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Hello once again, loyal readers.

It’s time to discuss the biggest of all questions. Why? Why do this? Why ask people to contribute money so that you can become a millionaire? The answer is very simple, when you consider the alternatives. No, I’m not talking about being a poor person. That’s not an alternative. That’s squalor. The two are completely different concepts. I’m talking about the other ways that people can become Millionaires, because let’s face it, there’s a lot of us out there.

Millionaire Businessman

Pros

  • Ongoing income.
  • Often respected in the community.
  • Power.
  • The ability to laugh at inferior competitors.
  • Statistically most likely to succeed.

Cons

  • Requires a business.
  • Requires a good and/or service.
  • Requires business acumen.
  • Requires hard work.

So, despite opening up with some good pros, the Business Millionaire idea hits home with the cons, slamming into the prospective Millionaire like a ton of monocles. The key requirements of business skills and hard work are a big no for anyone planning to live like a Millionaire.

Millionaire Entertainer

Pros

  • Ongoing income.
  • Adoring fans.
  • Fun job.
  • The ability to become smug.

Cons

  • Requires some form of redeemable talent (generally).
  • Fans expect you to work for their enjoyment.
  • Unlikely to succeed.

The entertainer is itself a well-trod path. Unfortunately the path has also been trod by many who are not Millionaires. These people can be seen in theatre restaurants and juggling on street corners. This path, again, requires some form of talent, whether it be singing, dancing, acting, writing, fire-eating, playing an instrument or being a 15-22 year old blonde girl. Thus again, we see that this path has closed all doors to me from the very beginning.

Millionaire Sportsman

Pros

  • Ongoing income.
  • Well respected by men.
  • Merchandising deals make money for doing nothing.
  • Showboating.
  • The ability to openly mock inferior competitors.

Cons

  • Requires physical fitness.

Well, again the paths to Millionairedom mock me with their appealing pros, only to shoot down my hopes and dreams with their crushing cons. While I could very much get behind the idea of needless showboating and mockery of those lesser than I, a level of physical fitness is indeed required to be a Millionaire Sportsman in almost all disciplines, thus this path is not an option for me.

Millionaire Lottery Winner

Pros

  • Easy.
  • Minimal work required.
  • No skill required.

Cons

  • Requires a lot of luck.
  • Requires entering the lottery.
  • No ongoing income.

The lottery is certainly an easy way to becoming a Millionaire. Buy a ticket, sit back, do nothing and watch the money roll in. Of course, for every one person that manages to do this, many millions more fail to do so, thus making this a very unlikely way to become a Millionaire.

ChipIn Millionaire

Pros

  • Minimal effort required.
  • No skill required.
  • Furthering the cause of pseudoscience.
  • The ability to laugh at inferior competitors.
  • Is the option I’m already doing.

Cons

  • Takes more than a month.

So, there you have it. Weighing up the pros and the cons, it’s clear that being the ChipIn Millionaire is the best path to becoming a Millionaire. I get to do nothing, laugh at Mark, pretend to be a scientist, require no special skills, abilities, or any redeeming factors whatsoever. And the only downside is that my previous experience as the ChipIn Millionaire tells me that this scheme will take more than a month to achieve. Of course.. you can help make things go faster. You can help the process succeed.

Of course, all those other paths are just as valid, assuming you have the requisite skills and/or luck. In fact, if you’ve already proven that one of the other paths can succeed, then surely you’ve got a dollar or two lying around to help that last one succeed… I happen to know a guy that is trying that one, a guy that plans to see you at the next Millionaire Party.

– The Millionaire.

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7 Comments

  1. fbghhd says:

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    1. Greetings fbghhd.

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  2. Paul Spamson says:

    My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

    1. I’m glad your cousin’s recommendation was so accurate. Of course, given that she was recommending me, it was hard not to be.

      I would suggest that your cousin also try recommending that you donate to my cause.

      Perhaps you could discuss that with her for me?

  3. Horg says:

    You are an idiot. And the people who already “donate” $205 are even more idiots.

    Oh and by the way. You won’t become a millionaire.

    1. Hello Horg.

      Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately for you, I don’t accept criticism from the poor. I have noted your poor use of grammar, and can only assume that it comes from the best education that the lower class has to offer.

      I’m not sure why you’ve used “donate” instead of donate. Perhaps you could explain it to me sometime. Oh, and by the way, “Oh and by the way” is not a sentence.

      Remember to contribute!
      The Millionaire

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