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Merry Christmas

Season’s greetings to you underlings.

It is again that time of year where trees are murdered and houses are draped in foil, crystals and lighting in a desperate attempt to make your lower class lives seem that much more lavish and extravagant. Your houses turn into grotesque mockeries of Millionaire Estates, while mine briefly and in full defiance of the laws of opulence somehow become grander. In celebrating Christmas, I can begrudgingly admit that we are somewhat similar in that we both murder trees, (though mine are somewhat grander of course) and in that we eat copious amounts (though again, I hardly call what you consume food.)

 

Solid Gold Christmas Tree

The only thing better than killing a tree to improve the aesthetic of your manor is purchasing one made of solid gold. Preferably from the gold teeth of orphans.

 

In honour of this, I bring to you a short post, with the wish that your poverty stricken Christmas has been everything that your meager, lower class minds have wished for. If not, please do not forward your complaints to my office. Of course, should you have received cash gifts for which you have no use, please feel free to donate those gifts to my highly unworthy cause. In the event that you’re searching for a meaningful last minute gift for a loved one, consider making a donation in that person’s name to a very worthy cause. Of course if you’re having trouble deciding which cause of the many worthy ones out there to support, I’ll be accepting donations.

Of course, as with all donations, your loved one will undoubtedly need proof that you have contributed to my cause in their name. Where many causes will offer nothing more than a card or generic “Thank you” note, I, generous Millionaire that I am, offer with all donations until the new year a personalised email for the loved one you are donating on behalf of. Simply send me an email with your loved one’s email address and I will personally dictate a letter from myself thanking them for their contribution to my cause. If this is a successful drive, I may continue this for future holidays.

Remember, if you need a last minute gift, give the most thoughtless gift of all, me.

( If desired, you may also donate on your own behalf )

(( And yes, the Butler post is still coming ))

– The Millionaire

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