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A Close Shave

Greetings once again, lowlings.

It is I, once again, your Millionaire, bidding you good day. And how, I hear you ask, can one ensure that it is a good day? Well, my friends readers it’s quite simple. There are three simple steps, which I am happy to enlighten you on.

  1. Be a Millionaire
  2. ???
  3. Good Day.

Hopefully, I haven’t lost you anywhere. I understand that it gets quite complex, especially for those with a pauper’s education. It’s really quite simple. With Millionairehood comes access to the greatest life has to offer, and friend non-donating, advertising acquaintance of the Millionaire, Mr. &, has brought to my attention one of the greatest things life has to offer. It is fantastic. It is amazing.

It is the most infinitely impressive razor that humankind has to offer.

Truly, the razor of a Millionaire

Finally, a device has come along that allows even the finest man to get a shave to match his station. Formerly, one had to content oneself with paying plebs for a shave, ensuring their continued servitude to the Millionaire’s facial hair status. This servitude, while creating a sense of power, still involved the same grotesque, perverse tools that touched the faces of lesser men. Now, no longer, thanks to Zafirro.

The Zafirro Iridium is made of 99.95% pure iridium, allegedly one of the three rarest metals on earth. The blades are nanotechnologically forged sapphires, while the screws to hold the unit together are no less than 99.95% pure platinum. The sheer audacity of using things that lesser humans would consider to be beautiful adornments as shaver blades and as screws clearly indicates the manufacturer’s intent to draw a Millionaire audience.  And draw such an audience, it has.

Millionaires are no doubt flocking to Zafirro to pick up these devices, though only 99 have been made, each individually numbered, for each is truly a work of art. The ability to cast a knowing smile at the poor wearing inferior jewels, knowing all the time that your razor’s screws contain more platinum than their ring and that what they consider to be a precious gem is the same thing that you use to scrape your face clean of stubble, is without price. Indeed, it is priceless. Of course, the razor itself does have a price. One that, while inviting to a Millionaire, is perfectly out of reach of the common man.

This razor will cost you $100,000 USD.

No Millionaire in their right mind would be caught dead with a razor made from mere terrestrial metals.

Yes. That’s right. One hundred thousand dollars. Or, in more perfect terms, 10% of a Million Dollars. Truly, this is the realm of a Millionaire, and one that presently, I can only aspire to. That’s why I need your help, my loyal supporters. If I’m to purchase this razor before supplies run out, we need to improve my donation rate drastically. If you’ve been holding off on telling your friends to contribute, or holding off on donating yourself, don’t delay. Every day you wait makes it more likely that I’ll miss out on this true example of Millionaire Style.

After all, only a true Millionaire can say that his razor holds more value than the average used car lot.

– The Millionaire


One Comment

  1. &rew says:

    I take it as quite a large compliment that you originally called me a friend (although you did then down grade me to acquaintance). Your sentiment is priceless.

    I like how they say ( this razor could survive being dripped in a molten lava pit. It’s good to know that in the case of lava this razor would out last even you.

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