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A word to my enraptured readers.

Hello holy plebeians.

Just a quick note to let you know that if you’re planning on being enraptured this weekend, there’s no greater cause for those left behind than to support a Millionaire. You won’t be needing your worldly goods where you’re going, so please spare a thought for one prospective Millionaire who will be left behind and donate at least a part of your wealth to my cause.

Remember, just because you’re in a better place doesn’t mean I have to suffer through hell on earth without a million dollars. I could be laughing and living the high life back here, while you’re laughing and living the high life in heaven. And hey, while I’m not a real charity, maybe this is your last chance to get in on the rapture by letting your creator know that you’re a charitable person, willing to make someone else’s life better.

As one last request, please remember to disrobe before being taken to heaven. My diminutive manservant Rodney doesn’t need to be wasting his time picking your belongings off the ground when he could be waiting on my every request. It’s an uncluttered planet, let’s keep it that way.

Enjoy your trip to heaven and remember, while you can’t take it with you, I can keep it here.

– The Millionaire

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