Hello again my humble peons.

It’s once again time for an analysis post, that special kind of post where we ~~pretend~~ prove that there is something even vaguely scientific about this whole process. Today, my focus will be on my work to payoff ratio, just to give you poor workers an idea of just how well this is all working out for me.

Thus far, I have written/displayed for your edification and viewing pleasure, 42 posts including this one. (I have further started writing an additional 2 which are still in draft stages, and which I won’t be holding against you, for which you may consider yourselves lucky.)

In return for my largesse and my contribution to your otherwise meaningless drone lives, I have, from you recieved a grand total of $205. So, grabbing ahold of my technologically superior mathematical modelling suite, let’s do some calculations and look at how much I’ve made per post.

So, a grand total of $4.88 per post. That’s not too bad, really all things considered. Let’s take a look though, at value for keystroke. In my posts to date, including this post up until this point, I have typed 15,576 words, or 87,036 characters. For your benefit, I’ve chosen not to include my backspacing or use of the arrow keys. You can thank me in donations.

So, roughly 2000 keystrokes went into the average post that I’ve made here as part of my Millionaire Project. That sounds about right. So, if we put that in terms of standard length typing words of 5 characters, what would we have per post?

So, if we take the things we’ve learned, that means that for every 414.46 words of 5 keystrokes that I type, I have earned $4.88. So let’s take a look at that now, and consider what that means.

Giving me a grand total of 1.2 cents for every 5 character word that I type out here, again reminding you that I’m giving you a free pass on backspaces and use of the arrow keys. So, let’s jump back one step and look at what that means for the amount I’m making per keystroke.

Wait, so once we look at this with proper rounding, I need at least 5 characters typed to make a single cent? It almost seems not to be worth it. Let’s jump around now, and take a quick look at secretaries. No, not the highly attractive kind that Millionaires like I hire to deal with our typing and letter writing needs… well, actually, yes, exactly that kind, but also the kind of unattractive ones, or worse, male ones, that are more common amongst the poor. The average secretary, according to exclusive sources, earns $50,299 a year, once benefits are taken into account. Let’s assume a lack of public holidays, since they vary from place to place, and assume our secretary is working 51 weeks of the year. Assuming working hours of 9 to 5 (They’d be working hard to make a living) with a hour long lunch break, that gives us:

So, our average secretary works 1,785 hours a year for their $50,229, that means that our average secretary is on an hourly rate of:

So, approximately $28.14 an hour. That’s not a bad sum, though it does require work. I have it on good authority that the average typing speed requested of secretaries is approximately 73.81 words per minute, which translates to:

4,428.6 words per hour. Thank you advanced analysis package. So, this means that for each word, a secretary would get paid:

So, 0.6 cents for each standard length word typed. That’s not a lot, but for the final say, let’s cut back to the advanced mathematical modelling suite to compare the average secretary’s rate to my rate.

So, ultimately, your Millionaire wins again, with a grand coup in pay per keystroke over secretaries. I’d like to point out though, that this post has grown massively since the last time I counted the characters, and that we’d best do all we can to keep the ratio skewed in my favour. Best to donate immediately.

In conclusion, I’d like to thank my hardworking mathematical analysis suite for doing all the hard work, and I’d like to make a surprise announcement. Should you, my loyal readers, get the donation total over $500.00, I will personally shell out for the plugin for my analysis suite that allows it to provide output in over 1.6 million colours for your enjoyment. It’s a small sacrifice that I’m willing to make for your enjoyment. Assuming of course that you’re also willing to come to the party. (But not a Millionaire Party, unless you’re also a Millionaire)

– The Millionaire

What a conundrum! You could certainly type more, thus giving yourself a greater cash flow, but putting forth steady work is certainly beneath your status. What ever is to be done to fix this problem?