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Another Theft

Hello again blue collar workers of the world.

It is with heavy heart that once again I, your beloved Millionaire come to you to speak of a crime perpetrated against my person. For some reason, it seems that those who are less fortunate feel the need to strike out at those of us who have made something of ourselves, even if we haven’t yet actually done that very thing. In this case, I am sorry to say, a blow has been struck against Millionaire Style. Recently, while gracing a group of non-Millionaire associates with a rare glimpse of my person, one of them maliciously absconded with my footwear, leaving me only his own, non-Millionaire footwear in its place.

I can only assume that the person in question is a regular reader of my Millionaire writings, and that indeed he has learned many things about Millionaire style from me. This, however, is no excuse for such rampant jealousy. Millionaire style must be earned, whether it be through hard work, soft work, or just plain begging. Indeed, stealing the trappings of a Millionaire lifestyle does not make one a Millionaire. It makes one a thief. Investigations into the fate of my hard-earned footwear is ongoing and the perpetrator is believed to have fled interstate with his ill-gained bounty. I am at present confident that we shall apprehend the culprit and return my shoes safely, while returning the plebian shoes to said culprit, presumably so he can wear them in his extended stay at the local penitentiary.


The Masked Shoe Bandit poses with the spoils of several heists.


As yet, no demands have been made by this dastardly fiend for the safe return of my shoes.

– The Millionaire



  1. Vi says:

    Its depraved acts like this that make me lose faith in my fellow man. Stealing a man’s appropriately expensive shoes is hardly the way to make something of yourself! After all, with proper grooming the man could have possibly made himself into something such as a chaffeur for a millionairre. Perhaps a butler? We’ll never know, as I’m fairly sure the penalty for stealing a rich man’s shoes in this country is the death penalty.

    1. It certainly will be once I’m running the country.

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